In Case You Were Wondering

I get a ton of mail every month about In Case You Were Wondering… It usually takes about five months to accumulate enough coherent ones to use in the actual column. I’d like to give a special shout out to my friends in prison. They seem pretty grateful that Big Planet started dropping copies of The Orbit off as part of that outreach program the courts got us involved with. So let’s take a look at what you have to say for yourselves:

What’s all this stuff that I keep hearing about some day where you can get free comic books?
That stuff is May 4th, AKA- “Free Comics Day”. Using the hype from the Spider-Man movie premiere, publishers are teaming up with Diamond Comics Distributors to supply comic stores around the country with a great number of free comics to give out to people in hopes of finding new fans. The idea is based on that “free scoop day” thing that those dirty hippies at Ben & Jerry’s do. The participation from stores and publishers has been unprecedented, so make sure to do your part and tell actual non-comics fans to check it out. Otherwise we run the risk of May 4th becoming fanboy appreciation day, and nobody wants that. Especially the fanboys.

How did you come up with the name “In Case You Were Wondering”?
It’s the title of Rom: Spaceknight #23. Maybe the best single comic book I have ever read. It guest stars the Beyonder. Irony has never been portrayed better in graphic storytelling.

If you could put together a sort of all-star super team, who would be on it?
This really helps me wait until I can play fantasy football again. I’d draft: Northstar, Speedy, Karen Page, Brother Voodoo, Deadpool, The Spider-clone, Thor, Captain Carrot, and the Green Lantern that looked like a raccoon. So we’d have a gay guy, a junkie, a dead ex-hooker, an element of exploitation, a Norse god, a psychotic funnyman, a tragic hero, and two furry things. Now that would be the book that could fill the gap The Authority has left.

I have Rams receiver Isaac Bruce on my fantasy roster, should I try and trade him during the off season?
That’s a tough call. The Rams are so loaded on offense that it’s hard to get points consistently from any players other than Warner and Faulk. On any other team, Bruce would be a monster, but on the Rams he’s inconsistent at best. Still, his potential for breakout games is almost silly. I would recommend the trade only if you were really weak at QB or running back.

I’m doing a paper on famous journalists for my college psychology class. Would you mind responding to a series of words with the first thing that comes to your mind? They are: Hulk, Tigra, Collectable, and Ultimate.
I’ll play along. My first responses to those words are: Smash, Icon, Shmectable, and Frisbee. Sound that third one out after saying “collectable”.

What was up with the gratuitous boob shots in U.S. War Machine?
I have no idea. That was out of the blue, even for a Max book. Now, if it has something to do with the rumored sequel, “U.S. War Machine’s Wild Naked Beach Adventure”, then I’ll be more forgiving.

I know you are obsessed with them, but all kidding aside, did it make you a bit nervous when you saw that Power Pack teaser in one of those goofy Marvel Millennial Visions comics? You know, they say that sometimes comics get published because of an idea in one of those books. That’s where that Exiles comic by the Real World guy came from.
Ha! That’s a good question. Let me think about it. The answer is “no”, I don’t think that the Justice League is too powerful with Superman and The Martian Manhunter on the same team. I hope that answers you question.

In the movie, “The Money Train”, why is Blade The Vampire Hunter trying to rob that subway car with the guy from Cheers?
I read on the Internet that that we’re supposed to find out the answer in Blade II. Apparently it may shock you.

Was The Clash really that good of a band?
One of the best ever. London Calling is timeless. Sure, some of their later stuff is weak, but you can say that about bands with a much crappier back catalogue than The Clash. I don’t know where we would be without them and Neil Young. David Bowie too, and Guns ‘N Roses.

Since you like Star Wars so much, I figure that I can come to you directly with my arrogant and misguided complaints with the current state of the franchise. So how bad is Episode II going to be?
I hate you so much that I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer. Instead, I’ve gotten my buddy and platinum-selling rapper, DMX to step in for me. You wanna break this guy off some X?

DMX- “Yo! Get at me son! Where my dogs at? What? This b*** is tripp’n! Lucas is like one dog… no bone. Ugh! He a hungry dog. Stop! What? Clones Attacking! Hell is hot. You know what a dog needs? Ugh! I’ll spell it out for ya… Stop! What? Come on!”

Is In Case You Were Wondering really the “World’s Best Comics Column”? Or are you just some guy with too many opinions, the Internet, and a jones to rip off the tag line from Fantastic Four?
What’s funny here is that I never made that claim about ICYWW. But now that you point it out, yes… yes I will use that tag line. FF certainly doesn’t deserve it right now. So to make the name of this thing even longer we’ll now call it: “In Case You Were Wondering… The World’s Greatest Comics Column”. At this rate I’ll clear the Lee / Kirby 100 issue mark in no time.

The Big Planet Orbit is a monthly newsletter that has features on interesting comics that come out each month. Copies are available for free at any of our store locations.

Here are some of the features of the Big Planet Orbit:

• March Feature: King David, Batman/Deathblow: After the Fire, Hawkman #1
• The Facts: The major superhero books
• Indyville: The best independent and small press comics
• How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love...: Miss Elaine Eous
• In Case You Were Wondering: Ian's mail call